Tuesday, May 20, 2014

It's Been A While

Yes, it has been a while.  And life is good.  And fun.  And romantic.  And silly.  And crazy.
And tiresome.  I am one of the blessed people I know - without a doubt.  And, I know from where my blessings flow.  Thank you, God.
However, tonight, I am going to vent.
My Father, Dennis, is an alcoholic.  A severe alcoholic who cannot get it together at the age of 65.  I have tried to be as supportive as I can and let him know I'm always here and I will always love him and will always be his daughter.  However, I just don't feel like I can keep up the charade.  I want to yell at him.  I want to swear at him and tell him exactly how I feel about his alcoholism and his lies and his unavailability.  I have talked and listened and sympathized until I feel fed up.  Now, I'm just mad.
Last week, he read texts that his girlfriend and I have been sending so I can try and keep up with how he is doing.  He said he felt betrayed by the fact I was texting her.  He felt betrayed.  HE.  FELT BETRAYED.  Let me tell you some things about betrayal.
Betrayal is leaving my mother when I was 6 months old to marry someone else.  Betrayal is only seeing me and bringing me into your life when it was convenient for you or made you look good to some woman.  Betrayal is never paying my mother a dime of child support because you promised to pay for college.  Betrayal is deciding that you shouldn't have to pay for college.  Betrayal is telling me that paying for my own college is something that would make me stronger and more appreciative.  Betrayal is telling me that little story, even though your parents paid for your technical college.  Betrayal is cheating on EVERY SINGLE woman you were ever with - and ruining incredible relationships with women who truly loved me.  Betrayal is calling me for my birthday twice in 45 years.  Betrayal is caring more about yourself than you care about anyone else.  Betrayal is saying you want to be a father, and a grandfather, then putting that bottle of booze to your lips again, and again, and again, and again.  Betrayal is drinking yourself to death, even though you SWORE you wouldn't because that is what your brother did and you had to live for HIM now.  You know what betrayal is, Dad?  Betrayal is you.  
Betrayal is you.  I choose not to be a part of it.

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